I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
