i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize