So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
