i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
