This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize