Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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