final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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