what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
