The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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