My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
