I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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