You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
