its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
