i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
