I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
