I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
