Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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