broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
