Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
