Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
