So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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