Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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