So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Come see our sink grown plant.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
