theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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