i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
