Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
