That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
