Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize