I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
