When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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