the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
