We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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