I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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