My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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