I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
