sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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