Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
