Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
