This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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