You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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