theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
