i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
