I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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