how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
