i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
