I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
