I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
