after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
