we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
