You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
