Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
