Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
