I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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