Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
