Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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