i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
