This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
