U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
