Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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