im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I want a musical about memes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize