You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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