She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
