drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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