dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
