how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
