Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
