So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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