Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
