Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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