I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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