We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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