you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize